Member-only story
[Un]Scarred: Acne, Dermatillomania & Self Destruction
My story of a ten year struggle with dermatillomania and how I made it through (somewhat) unscarred
WARNING: This piece discusses subject matter related to self harm and mental illness, and may be disturbing or triggering to some readers. Please continue at your discretion. This piece is based off personal experience and opinion, and does not intend to distribute any psychiatric advice.
When you’re at the mirror running your fingers along your skin, you feel an excitement: What can I take out today? You find a tiny lump or bump and begin to squeeze. A blemish slips out your pores and onto your red skin and you feel euphoric. You feel a rush of blood and joy and serenity. Eventually, you stop feeling the pain you inflict. You are lost in another world, high on the feeling of all that evil coming out of your body and you make it a game. You think: how many can I squeeze out tonight? After all, you are the one that decides when you stop, and you are the one that controls what to remove and what to leave for tomorrow. You decide. You are in control. Or so you think…
Describing dermatillomania (or in my unique case: neurotic acne excoriée) to those who have not experienced it is difficult. Many people don’t understand how you can mutilate…
